Getting Personal

My officemate, Leigh, and I have really hit it off. We gab throughout the day, take lunch together, and yesterday, went on a shopping excursion. It was fabulous!

I drove and picked her up at the nearest metro stop, and we drove about 45 minutes south to Potomac Mills. I have to say, they have some pretty great outlets/stores. I bought things at Off 5th (the Saks outlet), GAP, Banana, Ann Taylor, Nordstrom Rack, and Nine West. Most things were priced really well, though some didn't seem to be disounted much.

My most exciting purchase (this is hard, because I love it all) is probably the Theory blazer I got at Off 5th. The sad part is that it's wool, so I can't wear it for awhile, but I couldn't not get it! Second favorite is probably the brown dress I found at GAP. All I have to say is that I'm totally set for work clothes I think. The plan going forward is that any money I make baby-sitting (K said she'd spread the word to those in her book club and Walker's play group) will be my fun/shopping money.

Last night, Rochester said we could do whatever I wanted to do. Ellie had organized a bar-hopping outing, but I didn't feel like going. Sooo, we went to see "The Break-up" (loved it and Rochester laughed the whole time, too - not a chick flick). First, we went to dinner at Rock Bottom and Rochester paid for everything. Then, he paid for the movie, too. It's so odd for me to have someone that I'm not dating pick up the tab for everything. I feel so bad. I mean, last night easily cost him $70, and this isn't the first time he's paid. K says that some guys are just that way and don't let girl friends pay. But, geez, that gets expensive!

After the movie, since I'd offered to drive, I dropped him off, but I said, "You're not gonna go do something fun now, are you?" That's totally me - not wanting to miss out on anything. Driving away, I felt lonely. I mean, it was midnight and not too early to go to bed, but I wasn't satisfied. It really hit me that this - this isn't going to be enough for me. I've been so busy and entertained so far that I haven't had time to miss close friendships. I've been letting my 'cup' get full by having good work experiences, shopping, and getting affirmation from Rochester and other new friends.

Driving home, I just wanted to spend time with the Lord. I've been reading a book called "Drawing Near" (one of my absolute favorites now!) which says that whatever you feed on is what you'll have an appetite for. I've been learning how true that is. It kinda reminds me of the time that I fasted desserts for over a month. I ended up not even remembering how great the desserts tasted and having no desire to eat them.

It's easy to get distracted by life and to be satisfied with people, your job, and/or fun times. As great as those things can be, they can't even compare to having a personal, intimate relationship with the Lord. Being in His presence is better and more satisfying than numerous nights out with friends or good experiences at work or finding great deals at the mall. It's scary to realize that I have no one here that is on the same page. When I look ahead, all I see is fun nights out, but no meaningful friendships with others that love Him, too, and that find their purpose in Him and not in their job or their friends or their social life. I can't depend on those things for my happiness. They may be great and fun for a time, but they'll never really satisfy me. I'll have to really make an effort to find a church I enjoy and trust that God will supply friends.

After coming home, feeling lonely, dissatisfied and even slightly anxious, I spent time just meditating on the Lord, not even talking to him much . . just focusing on who He is. That is why I love Him. Not because He can do things for me or answer my prayers . . because I've gotten to know Him and His character, and I've seen that He's everything He claims to be . . and that relationship fills my cup to overflowing.