I am officially a terrible person.
I haven’t written about Rochester for a long time, because I was doing the right thing by staying away from him . . for two whole months! Since we can’t be together, why hang out? But I told New Girl I missed him the other day and sure enough, I ran into him at work two minutes later. We talked and smiled and, geez I hope no one was watching, because it would’ve been pretty obvious that we haven’t always been “just friends”.
So that night I fought the urge to call him. But I wasn’t so successful the next day. Long story short, we hung out . . twice in one day . . and he said some pretty sweet and just plain romantic things to me, which made me want to cry, not because it was sweet - well, maybe a little because it was sweet – but mainly because I am a bad person and I am making him hurt. He told me how hard it’s been not hanging out with me and how much he’s missed me . . But, has it been hard for me? Not really. I’ve been filling my life with other things, making friends, staying busy, and knowing that staying away was the right thing to do. Then, out of the blue I start missing him, practice zero self-control by calling, lie to myself by thinking we can maybe kinda be friends again, and convince myself that he couldn’t possibly care anymore. I like to think I’m right about most things, but in this case I was 100% wrong.
So once again, I reiterated the fact that my relationship with the Lord is not a part of my life. It is my life. And I love it! Which means that no, it isn’t good enough to be with someone who is ‘cool’ with that. Not good enough at all! It isn’t good enough to be with someone that ‘lets’ me take the kids to church . . yeah, that’s right, he talked about kids! I can see why he would be confused, because if I’m living this life that is Jesus then I wouldn’t be calling him! I'd be practicing the self-control that God would give me if.I.asked! Gah!
So now I have to stay away again . . for good. And part of me is ok, because I’m used to not hanging out with him. But the other part of me is really sad that it’s over. Our friendship can really only be a “friendship”. Like friendly acquaintances. Like “smile when you walk by but don’t always stop to talk” friends. Like “what are you doing this weekend, but even if you’re free, we’re not hanging out” friends. I know it’s for the best, but it sucks.
He needs to move on and meet someone else and so do I.
*This weekend, I did, for the first time since moving to D.C., meet a cute Christian guy. Short, but cute. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. It’s really sad that I’ve visited 5 churches and lived here for 5 months and this is the first time. It’s also really sad that I just made note of the fact that he is short, because I am short – 5’2” short. Now the only reason I know he’s a Christian is because his roommate is and mostly because of Myspace. (I heart MySpace.) I didn’t actually have a conversation with him . . I mean, the Nebraska game was on! I simply shook his hand, made a mental note of his cuteness, and turned back to the game. Maybe I’ll see him again. And maybe I’ll meet someone else who is cute and tall(er). Or maybe I’ll be single for 5 more years, because I apparently like to postpone my chances of meeting the right guy by getting involved with the wrong one.
3 comments:
Give yourself a little credit girl! You amaze me with your self control. The phone call was understandable and you handled it in such an awesome way. Most girls are not able to see through their emotions to their true desires. You are able to. THAT is amazing.
By the way Brando is short :) . Short may just mean there's a good reason he's not taken yet and we have the advantage since we're not tall ourselves. hehe
You are so amazing. You have more self control in your pinky then I have in my whole body. My husband to is short. Taller then me but short. The short guys need loving to!! JK I know God has great things in store for you, and I hardly think He is going to make you wait another 5 years.
Oh girl, I can soooooo relate! I think I dated the wrong guy, because I knew if I got in a serious relationship with a Christian guy I would probably marry him. It was easy for me to date non-Christians and let it be just that, fun dating. Does that make sense? Probably not, because it was so terrible. But, now I've been married 3.5 years and have two kids (with my also short, but taller than me hubby). So, there is hope! Hang in there girl and hold off for the perfect man. Don't give your heart away to someone just because you're lonely. Let God complete you and fulfill you!
PS I love myspace, too!
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