Saturday, August 25, 2007

frame of mind

It was the picture frame. But actually, it wasn't even a picture frame. It was a mirror. A mirror with a wooden frame of black swirlies and . . I just can't do it justice. It was lovely. And it put me in a bad mood.

Why? Because I couldn't buy it. At least I didn't feel right about buying it. Not with that last medical bill I have to pay. And that letter from the Commonwealth of Virginia saying I owe them more money for taxes. (They're wrong, by the way. And hopefully my accountant can prove it.)

I've gone six and a half weeks (but who's counting?) without buying myself a single, solitary thing. Except the Harry Potter book when I was delayed at the airport. But that doesn't count, because what was I supposed to do? Sit there and do nothing for four hours? I'm sure that six weeks doesn't sound like a long time to some, but it's quite a milestone for me. Makes me feel like my self-control is off the charts.

I didn't even have a place to put the mirror. And I think that's what made me sad. Not the not buying. The not needing. The not having a cozy place to decorate. Sometimes it gets to me. I'm 26 and I feel like I live in a huge dorm room. It's not just that I don't have the funds to decorate right now. It doesn't make any sense to. Why invest in something temporary?

I think I wanted the mirror to make me forget about the temporary. It would remind me that someday I'll have a place to decorate. Something to invest in. And it will be lovely.


k said...

i feel like that too - i just want something that is mine that i can take the time looking for the perfect stuff to furnish it. when i was in NY last month i saw the cutest ever keyring holder/hook thing with turtles along the top.(i have always loved turtles). i had no where to put it but i felt so strongly that one day i've love to have it hanging in my house that i bought it. for now it is just sitting in my top dresser drawer. (yes, i can't write posts on my own blog, but i can write one right here in your comments!!)

LindsayBlake said...

laura, i feel the exact same! i have even thought recently of purchasing a home, and no i am not kidding. but then i drift back into reality and realize i can't commit to something so permanent... i'm not at that point in my life, and beyond that it's not me yet. until then, cheers to seeing great decorating merchandise and having enough self control to resist and walk right by. p.s. i'm coming in january! yeah!

my life is brilliant said...

I do the same thing! I've lived in my apartment for two years, but I don't feel like a few parts of it -- my room especially -- are finished because I don't want to spend a lot of money decorating this room I'll just be in a year or two longer. It looks lived in, but it's not finished. It's not as cozy as I want it to be. But all I do is sleep in there anyway.

I'm totally with you. But I'd have told you to buy the mirror, unless it was really expensive. Then, I'd have suggested you buy ice cream instead. :)