It was the picture frame. But actually, it wasn't even a picture frame. It was a mirror. A mirror with a wooden frame of black swirlies and . . I just can't do it justice. It was lovely. And it put me in a bad mood.
Why? Because I couldn't buy it. At least I didn't feel right about buying it. Not with that last medical bill I have to pay. And that letter from the Commonwealth of Virginia saying I owe them more money for taxes. (They're wrong, by the way. And hopefully my accountant can prove it.)
I've gone six and a half weeks (but who's counting?) without buying myself a single, solitary thing. Except the Harry Potter book when I was delayed at the airport. But that doesn't count, because what was I supposed to do? Sit there and do nothing for four hours? I'm sure that six weeks doesn't sound like a long time to some, but it's quite a milestone for me. Makes me feel like my self-control is off the charts.
I didn't even have a place to put the mirror. And I think that's what made me sad. Not the not buying. The not needing. The not having a cozy place to decorate. Sometimes it gets to me. I'm 26 and I feel like I live in a huge dorm room. It's not just that I don't have the funds to decorate right now. It doesn't make any sense to. Why invest in something temporary?
I think I wanted the mirror to make me forget about the temporary. It would remind me that someday I'll have a place to decorate. Something to invest in. And it will be lovely.