It's Cool

Have you ever seen "Meet the Fockers"?

Forgive the profanity, but may I quote?:

"Asssssshooooooole"

But you all knew that. WE all knew that.

I ran into him at the gym on Saturday, and he followed me around like a little puppy for at least half an hour wanting to lift weights with me and talk. Of course he acted like nothing had ever happened, he was so happy to see me, and would I give him a 'second chance' and let him take me to dinner? I did hesitate. But I thought it wouldn't hurt to give him an opportunity to explain or try to be my friend. (Sucker.)

He longingly gazed at me when we parted, but I felt unemotional and very guarded. And I didn't really expect him to call. Hello, track record. I'm not a betting woman, but if I was, I wouldn't have put a dime on him following through.

Turns out, he did text that night to see how my time was going with the Nebraska Girls (two of his friends). He also wanted to confirm for Sunday. Hm, maybe this was going to happen, I thought. But the anxiety in my stomach the next day told me otherwise. I just knew he was going to flake. He did call when he said he would, kept saying he wanted to see me (gag), and let me know what he was up to and how long he might be. But he didn't set a time and when 5 o'clock rolled around, he just wasn't feeling well. Poor, poor thing. Normally I would've been over it, and I nearly was. But I did know that he had stayed home all weekend not feeling well. Unless he was lying - but my gosh, why would I ever jump to that conclusion?

The desire to even see him again was growing fainter and fainter. I will give him one more chance, I thought, (because I am L, the pushover). But at that point, I didn't even care if he showed. If he wanted to make it up to me, he could meet me 'here' at 'time' on 'day' (because I would already be there). If not, I hoped he had a great Christmas (fake smile) and he could "take care". Of course he said "Absolutely I want to see you . . " and other $*#% like that. I was not convinced. So when he didn't show last night, I was unphased. And truly relieved. Yet disappointed . . that he wasn't even a decent human being, that 'friends' wasn't even an option. He did text that his flight just landed (don't believe him) and he was going to try to make it, but wasn't sure, and was I having fun? (Excuse me while I throw up a little.)

Let's be honest. We all know that he was sure that he wouldn't be making it. There would be no trying involved. So I said "It's cool. I'll catch up with you later." Vague and open to interpretation. Actual interpretation: "Don't caaare."

And I don't. But boy, this has been a pretty exhausting waste of time . . on someone I knew a long time ago that I didn't care to be with. And I know that I look a fool. I'm one of those people that drives me nuts, that I give really great advice to but can't seem to remember when it's my turn. Oh well. I know that this has triggered some good things, some positive changes in me, and I am walking away a better person . . or something like that. I don't regret the way that I handled things, and that is a good feeling to have. It would've been very easy to throw a few swear words in a text or try to make him feel bad. But I would've been the only one losing sleep at night.

I am thankful that, though I may have given much thought and attention to The Jerk, I gave no piece of my heart away. So really . . it's cool.