Saturday, June 18, 2005

Leave me alone

I never thought my favorite thing to do on any given night would be to just be alone. I once used to scroll through my phone book looking for someone to call in order to never have a night where it was just me.

The first time I recall really hating to be alone was when I turned 16 and got my first car. I would beg someone to come with me so I didn't have to fill up with gas all by myself . . or go to the store . . or do anything really. Looking back, it probably was an insecurity I had, but it was mixed with a geniune love for people and spending quality time with them.

In college, I was able to share an apartment with 3 girls, even 4 at one point. I absolutely loved it. There was always something to do, someone to watch TV with or even run an errand. It's not that I never had my quiet times, but I was always thrilled to hear the door open and see which of my roommates had come home.

After moving in with a married couple for a short time, I found myself content to stay home occasionally and read or watch a movie all by myself. But, of course, I still preferred the company of a friend to nights alone. I used to feel that TOO much time spent alone was a waste if I wasn't investing in my friendships.

And, now . . now that I have a full time job, I feel differently. I feel glad to leave Omaha each day and drive home to a place much less busy where I can do nothing and feel it was time well spent. As much as I still love being social and being with friends, I almost cringe when I plan something on a weeknight and know I won't be home until late. I love reading alone, scrapbooking alone, going to the store alone, and going to the lake alone. I feel that I've been productive, because it gives me a chance to refuel for the next day at work. I've come to realize that just as much as I need my friends and my social time, my alone time allows me to thrive as well.

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